A Random Try

Too much on my mind,
too much,
I cry,
written words erased and written again,
again and again I try,
try as I might I try,
words, thoughts and dreams,
put down on paper,
end up in the trash,
crumpled up with no hope,
still I try and I try,
try as I might I try,
this and that, 
word vomit spew,
what a mess,
none like a stew.

At long last I try,
try as I might I try,
again and again I try,
only trying is able,
none so stable.

What am I trying?
Is it confession?
Is it declaration?
Is it proclamation?
Is it dissemination?
Is it explanation?
Or is it just a bunch of loud asphyxiations?

Try as I might I try,
again and again I try,
not trying to impress,
just trying to address,
not wanting to be fooled,
or to pitch a curve ball so sly.

I hate the sight of ruins,
rubble scattered far apart,
the mess left behind,
if the bomb was to go off,
red wire, blue wire,
choose wisely,
red pill, blue pill,
the right path has not been decided.

Don't be coy,
admit to it,
sure I am,
still feeling it,
I guess the words are lining themselves up,
I guess they're ready to come out.

Keep it a secret and hurt,
deep wounds naked to the eyes,
healed over time,
with scar tissue thicker and stronger,
impenetrable to sticks and stones.

Try as I might I try,
again and again I try,
finally,
my hand flows smoothly,
thought and feel,
decided to consider,
to paint a portrait,
I beg to differ.

The green-eyed monster caged,
roaring as loud as thunder,
wanting out to rage,
to consume its master.

Try as I might I try,
again and again I try,
but this now is a different try,
maybe if I believe I can fly,
try as I might I try,
at least before the day I die.